I am in my late 40ies and recently got married to a really great guy. He is tall and handsome, smart, kind, responsible and he truly loves me. I never wanted to have kids and as a rule never dated men with kids, but as I got older it seemed like that narrowed the dating pool to like 3 random guys. So when I met my husband, we will call him Tom, I figured how hard could it be to date someone with kids. It seemed like he had his life together, he was a Navy Officer, had 2 boys and I assumed a normal ex-wife. I am still friends with most men I dated and one is married to a girl he started dated when we lived together and the other one is gay. If I could work through those things, I figured if you are married and there was no infidelity, why would you not get along with your ex-spouse. I mean you loved them enough to marry them and have kids with them.
Anyway I was way off. His ex wife, we will call her Jane, is super super emotional and quite frankly makes our life, and hers, so much harder than it needs to be. In turn, I strongly believe, it is preventing my step-kids (who I am pretty sure would have a strong reaction to that word) from having the best relationship they could with me. Don't get me wrong, no one (except Jane) hates me, but they clearly hold back and because their mom has made her whole life and their whole life about them, they don't even notice the impact it has on me. I firmly believe my husband's number one job is a to be a parent, and I don't want to make his life harder, but it is very challenging to feel like I don't count, on a regular basis. If any ex-wives or ex-husbands, read this blog, please know this is a tough spot to be in. I am not trying to be their mom, I just want to be part of the family. If Jane could behave in an adult manner and have good relationship with Tom and not bring up the past in every conversation, I really feel like we could be a team. A strong team that helps raise kind, responsible humans.
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